Dear "War and Death Show" (aka "The News"),

I invite you to kiss my ass for telling people that Toyota's and broccoli will kill people dead with cancer and scariness. You suck. How about you feature some cute baby kitties instead of making peoples traumas entertainment? There are things that are none of our business, and you are a gossipy, fear mongering bitch. I've ended friendships for being like you.

Love,

Liz

Dear Today,

Kiss my ass.

Love,

Liz

January 22 at 6:29pm

Deat Mother Nature,

WTF is your problem? I got some extra Midol if you need it. I don't mind sharing, just quit your shit. Mad at the devil for screwing with you again?

Get better soon,

Liz



January 19 at 10:32pm


(Only a few of you will get that reference. nerds.)

Dear Tiger Woods,

Fuck you for not checking into a rehab center already set up for your needs and inconveniencing people who are also trying to get better. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else. Suck it up.

Love,

Liz


January 21 at 8:37am

Dear Today,

Why you still mad at me? I tried to make the best out of you, and this is how you treat me? You're better than yesterday, but you still kind of suck. I can't wait to be done with you.

Best regards,

Liz

Sat January 23, 2010 at 3:25pm